One thing I’ve often struggled with in my life is feeling appreciation for the things I have and sometimes even saying “thank you.”
Of course I say these words when anyone is kind to me – opens a door, presents a gift – but I mean saying thank you unprompted when there is no gift or door open. “Thank you” just because.
And for me to say that, I need to be in a state of mind that is quietly joyful and generous. A state of mind that is calmly confident.
Anyway I’m not here to discuss what gratitude is but rather something that hinders it – I can only give a possible explanation not a definitive one, so here we go:
What I believe hinders and stops a grateful mind is victimhood and a martyr complex, or rather the sensation that we are owed something by life, that life is being done to us.
If we feel this burn or entitlement or emptiness over feeling gratitude (or even what the fuck is that?!?), it could be a symptom of a much larger problem – one where we’ve been overly generous for too long, poorly using “no,” overusing “yes,” acting out of guilt to help others rather than practically assessing if we could.
The much larger problem could be that mother was unavailable to us as children, whether that means she had a personality disorder, or was a working mother, whatever the reason it just meant that she wasn’t around to feed us emotionally and spiritually.
As adults this develops into a huge gaping hunger that we feel is “owed” to be filled because mother should have been around! She should have fed us!
The deficit is so huge and long lasting that saying a simple “thank you” for the sky being blue or the pleasure of your morning coffee, or even your delivery parcel coming so quickly, it’s a difficult thing to say.
Now it’s time for me to offer a cure.
Perhaps consider booking a face and birth date reading with myself so I can recommend personalised solutions 😀
But in all seriousness, gratitude is the sparkly glitter of life. So if you want more I’d advise examining where you haven’t been been “fed,” where your basic needs are not being met and where in the past they have been “straved.”
Don’t know what your needs are and how to meet them? Then think on what you need in your relationships and from life – for example I know I need friendships with intelligent debatey minded learning orientated people, therefore if that need is not being met I feel unfilled and my life loses sparkle. It becomes unhappy to me.
When you identify your needs you can set up your boundaries and then you can feed yourself!
Another solution is forgiveness, forgiveness of those and ourselves who have wronged us (ourselves plural because we have been many different people). Forgiveness is an entirely different and vast topic in it’s own right so I’m just going to drop the idea here.
So, in conclusion, when we look to ourselves and feeding ourselves emotionally, identifying our needs and healing this starved hole, only then can we begin to feel gratitude.